All About My Mother

Yes, I love Almodovar and this title references his amazing film on the topic. But this film I am making is all about my mother, as well as photography, and where my family history meets the medium. Most of all, however, it's about my search to get to know more about who she was, and to bring her work back to life through a posthumous collaboration between us.

I started filming last week in New York. I set up a camera, and though it was awkward at first, I talked about why I was making this film and what I hoped it would do for my mother's memory. I'm used to being behind the camera, not in front of it, but after telling my story to many friends and family I realized through their feedback that it was the personal aspect of this story that people wanted to know about, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Yesterday, with a film crew of 5, consisting of Colleen Keough, who assisted me and the crew, Rodolphe Seraphine, DoP, Sophie Shaw, DoP, and Marie Clautilde, sound engineer, we launched the film production in Paris with a day of shooting at the home of Henri Cartier-Bresson and Martine Franck. Besides getting stuck in a hot, tiny elevator for what seemed like an hour (it was 5 minutes) and having to silence sawing construction workers in the hallway, the shoot went fairly smoothly and my interview with Franck was enjoyable and interesting.

It is a relief to have the first big shoot down, and when I return to New York I will begin to plan the next few shoots and production plan for this project.

Calafia

once, centuries ago

you knew to surf
pearl-glazed days

sea dust settling
on sword fern fronds

temporal veins
of salted gold

sifting the universe
through your fingers
---

A poem I wrote for California (and an unnamed muse).

Recognition

Today, I just finished up an extraordinary class on DSLR filmmaking. It was taught at ICP by a multi-talented London-based photographer, Gabrielle Motola.

When I signed up I was expecting a dull yet informative technical crash course, but I got much more than that due to the great class chemistry and Gabrielle's personable, smart approach to teaching. I made a short film about the unexpected recognition I have been experiencing while listening to my late mother's voice. I will post it online once it's been tweaked some more.

I am incredibly busy right now, it seems almost impossible how much I expect to accomplish while here in New York and in my life in general. Creating feels urgent.

And suddenly, having added a full time job to my life makes me feel like I need to choose between making personal work and having a social life. I'm experiencing a real abundance--of ideas, friendships, work, things I want to do--and it feels like too much for one person to make sense of. I wonder how others deal with these things?

Time Travel

What brought me to ICP was a desire to get my hands on the original materials that went into the making of a series of films about photographers, made in collaboration between ICP founder Cornell Capa and my mother, Sheila Turner, in the early 1970s. I spent last summer going through a dozen of these boxes, listing their contents.

Now I am at ICP working with the Audio Visual collections, and today I traveled through time. We recently purchased an analog reel to reel tape deck, and this morning I threaded in an interview my mother conducted with Cornell Capa in 1971. Hooking up my headphones to this device, I played back the reel and heard my mother's voice for what was the second time since she died in 1979. The last time was a few years ago when I played a record she made where she narrated another program.

I am sure it is hard to imagine the surreal yet soothing experience of hearing the voice of a parent, long gone, and feeling like you're right there. I felt like I was sitting down with the two of them for tea. I forgot to mention I am sitting in Cornell's chair at his desk in this photo, while listening. (Photo by Pauline Vermare)